


The Consequences of Wishes

by GloriousPirateAlpaca



Category: Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle
Genre: Acid Tokyo, Angst, Canon Compliant, Crying Kurogane, Emotional Hurt, Everything Hurts, Feels, Good morning Kurogane, Hurt No Comfort, Lots of Angst, Missing Scene, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-23
Updated: 2020-01-23
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:40:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22309552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GloriousPirateAlpaca/pseuds/GloriousPirateAlpaca
Summary: "Did you know about this when you sent me away?" He asks out loud. "Because if so, fuck you."For the second time in his life, he has failed to protect his family, and for the second time in his life, he has lost them because of it.
Relationships: Fay D. Fluorite/Kurogane, Sakura/Syaoran (CLAMP)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 56





	The Consequences of Wishes

**Author's Note:**

> Are we still having feelings about Acid Tokyo and “Good morning Kurogane” in 2020 because I sure am

Mokona breaks the connection with Yuuko and the other Mokona. It’s like all emotions come crashing down on them all at the same time, because something in the air changes. None of them moves for a second, not wanting to be the one to disrupt the silence. Eventually, the new Syaoran excuses himself and when Kurogane glances at Fai and Sakura, they're already immersed in a whispering conversation. Without saying a word, he turns to leave, walking away in the opposite direction the new Syaoran went. He's not entirely sure where he'll end up, walking this way, but he doesn't really care. It feels like his entire body is itching like something is crawling under his skin. He just wants, no needs, peace and quiet for a goddamn second.

Going out in the rain is not an option, and there's nowhere to enter the building from where he is now. He can see an entrance but it's been barricaded with heavy blocks of stone. Kurogane curses himself for storming off to somewhere he's never been before. He'll have to walk back past Fai and Sakura unless they've moved. Slowly he sinks down on one of the smaller stone blocks a bit away from the entrance.

Again he's struck by how dark Tokyo is. He wishes he was back in Nihon, where they at least had lights in every window and lanterns on the carriages going between the castle and the town. Even Piffle or Yama would do. He just desperately wants to escape this darkness. He leans back on a larger block behind him, staring up into the ceiling.

"Did you know about this when you sent me away?" He asks out loud. "Because if so, fuck you."

He can practically hear Souma yelling at him for cursing at the princess, but he decides she can go to hell too. Really, fuck all of them. Tomoyo, the Witch of Dimensions, Souma, all of them. Suddenly he really wants to punch the stone behind him. His hand, which still aches from when he punched the wall back in their room screams at him not to. He decides he doesn't give a fuck. But he can't throw the punch. His arms feel heavy by his sides, lifting them to punch the stone seems impossible.

"Fuck." He mutters to himself. Tears begin to prick in his eyes and he covers both eyes with his hands when they begin to stream down his face. He hasn't cried since his parents were killed. When that happened, he thought he was going to die. Nothing had hurt so bad, and nothing had hurt so much; it had been as if every part of his body had been on fire. This pain is just the same, if not worse.

For the second time in his life, he has failed to protect his family, and for the second time in his life, he has lost them because of it. He couldn't save Syaoran, a boy who practically was his own son, and now he's gone. The new kid might be much the same, and Kurogane will care for him and love him, but he's not _the same._ He's not the kid Kurogane travelled with, taught to fight, and fought with. Kurogane will do everything to treat the new Syaoran right, to love him and help him, but the Syaoran they started the journey with is still missing. He doesn't regret allowing Sakura to go on her quest. She came back, like he knew she would. But she's hurt, bloody and broken, and he should have been there to protect her, help her. And because Kurogane wasn’t able to save Syaoran, Sakura too has been hurt. She’s starting to close herself off and it frightens him. It’s all too similar to Fai and he doesn’t want her, his daughter, to end up like Fai. He can’t bear to see that happen.

He can still see Fai's face when he looked up at him after waking up. What Fai said still plays on repeat in his mind and goddamnit it hurts. He knows that what he did was selfish. Like the witch put it: Fai's survival was his wish, not Fai's. He knew Fai would be mad, upset, hurt. But this. He thought they were past this. He thought they had reached some form of understanding, that they'd established some form of mutual trust, at least enough to move past this. He supposes he's been foolish for thinking that. Perhaps he was blinded by his own emotions, thoughts, and feelings, and projected them onto Fai. But he thought all the time they'd spent together had made him more or less fluent in reading Fai, and he'd really thought Fai too had moved past that point.

To think that they started out as strangers. He can’t imagine that now, because they’ve gotten so close. His feelings for the children were probably the earliest to develop. Syaoran reminded Kurogane of himself at that age, too young for the heavy burdens pushed on him, and in desperate need of a mentor. The princess managed evoked every single parental and protective instinct in Kurogane, almost from the get-go. He’s not sure when his feelings for Fai changed. He disliked him greatly at first, for numerous reasons. He accepted him because he had no choice, and because he took care of the children. After Outo he realised he’d grown to care for him too, as a companion. Then came Yama and their entire dynamic shifted. After Yama, they’d worked together, fought together, as if they were one person. In Piffle, Kurogane had felt as though they’d found some kind of balance. He doesn’t know when his feelings changed, but he knows he realised the nature of them (and accepted that) somewhere in Piffle and Lecourt. Some small, dumb, part of him had thought Fai felt the same. 

"I miss you." He murmurs and he’s not even sure who he refers to. Tomoyo or Syaoran? Fai and Sakura before all this? Never before has Kurogane wanted to go home to Nihon this badly. To be home and to be comforted by Tomoyo and her stern but warm way of showing her love. Hell, he'll take Souma yelling at him a thousand times over this. He might even miss that. It was part of his life, his routines, his home.

He doesn’t want to face what comes next. He feels like a child again, scared and missing his home. To deal with Fai, help the kid, protect Sakura and Mokona… He’ll do it, because of course he will, but he just desperately wants to go back to Nihon and forget the whole thing. Or go back to Lecourt, where everything was still okay. Anything but this. But he doesn’t have a choice.

Slowly, he dries his tears and stares up at the ceiling again. He takes a second to breathe, calming his racing heart and mind. Now more than ever, his family needs him. His son may be gone and his daughter may have begun to close herself off, but they need him. He has failed them before, but he won’t fail again. He’ll be there for them, he’ll help them and save them if needed. The new Syaoran he will love just as much as he loves his other children help him as much as he will help them. Because no matter what, Kurogane loves them. Even Mokona, despite all she teases and how weird she gets. Kurogane will be there for her too, because she too is family and Kurogane loves her. He may be hurt, he may be sad and angry, but he’ll be there for his family and support them nonetheless.

Even Fai. He might hate Kurogane and want nothing to do with him, but Kurogane won’t give up on him. He loves him too much to do that. He knows Fai loves their children, perhaps even more fiercely than Kurogane. Fai will stay with them, for the sake of their children. And Fai needs him, if not then only to survive. And Kurogane knows Fai will stay alive for Sakura’s sake, at least for now. And even if that stops being the case, Kurogane won’t let him die. It may be selfish, but then he is selfish. He loves him, the children love him; Kurogane won’t let Fai die.

It’s impossible to tell how much time has past since Kurogane first came here. It’s still just as pitch black outside as when he first got here. He hopes it’s been enough time for Fai and Sakura to move. He’d rather not have them see him like this. Rising to his feet, he stares into the darkness for a second, takes a deep breath and heads back to his family. They need him.


End file.
